WHEN SOMEONE NEGATIVELY AFFECTS ME WHAT CAN I DO
Here is the thing - we are not separate. Aggression produces more aggression, hurt produces more hurt, and fear produces more fear. On the other hand, respect produces more respect, understanding produces more understanding, and love produces more love.
There is a myth in some literature that when we are “healthy enough”, we will no longer be affected by others’ negative actions and behaviours. We will rise above it – ignore it - or not take the words personally.
I strongly disagree.
How can one not be affected by negativity? Even someone’s road rage can shoot through you like poison and rattle part or all of your day. Why?
This is because on an energetic level, we are not separate. On an energetic level we are all ONE.
I use the analogies of the body and a puzzle to help you understand the concept of universal energy. If you hurt one cell of your body, it affects your whole body. The body’s job is to always strive towards health. Therefore, the remainder of the body will go to work to repair the hurt cell. Think of each cell in your body as a person; all the cells together that make up your body are like all of us who make up the world. We are each a part of a giant puzzle that makes up universal energy. If one piece of the puzzle is missing or damaged, this affects the other pieces.
When someone is aggressive, hurtful, or unloving that energy is felt in our physiology through the transmission of our emotions. We hurt and if we are conscious of this hurt – rather than getting angry and blaming - we may feel lonely, rejected, heartbroken, helpless over the other person being hurtful. Just as it’s damaging when one cell harms other cells, as in cancer, it is harmful when one person harms another person emotionally.
What to do when another emotionally hurts you?
If your intent is to control – then you might blame them by getting angry, or lecture them, or tell them your feelings with the expectation that they need to change for you to be okay. Reflect on your experiences of trying to control the outcome. Do you end up feeling even more hurt by another’s reactions? Does the conflict get worse? Does anything get resolved? Maybe, but the likelihood is low it will be sustainable over time.
So what other options are there?
When your intent is to take accountability and responsibility for your feelings and to love yourself first, you can do two things:
No. 1
You can state your feelings and move into an intent to learn with the other person to try and understand what is going on. If this works, you are engaging in raising the energetic vibration and emotions of self and other, which does the greatest amount of good for all.
No. 2
If they are not open to learning with you, you can state your feelings and then kindly disengage, taking yourself out of range of the negative energy. If you disengage at this point, then you are doing the least amount of harm to self and other. But where do you go from here with your emotions?
If you feel angry or fearful, you can explore what you are telling yourself or reflect on how you are treating yourself that is causing these feelings.
If you feel lonely, rejected, broken hearted and/or helpless over the other, be very kind with yourself as you receive the information that this isn’t about you – that this person being hurtful has nothing to do with you, and you need to take loving care of yourself in the face of it.
While we can’t control others’ negative actions and behaviours, we do have self-control over whether or not we ignore our painful feelings, or judge ourselves, or get angry and blame the other OR we can acknowledge and take loving care of our hurt emotions. If you tell yourself that “you shouldn’t be so affected by the others’ actions and behaviours” or “that if you were healthier their behaviour wouldn’t hurt you”, you will end up in your own self-loathing behaviour, which makes you feel worse. Not in your best interests, not helpful to the other, not helpful to humanity.
I am deeply impacted when I witness someone being hurtful to someone else. I feel upset when I see a human being hurting another living thing. Also, I feel accountable and responsible when I catch myself in a cycle of hurting self and other - because really, we all get caught up in the cycle of negative energy from time to time.
Just as we can’t harm a cell of our body without harming the rest of our body, we cannot hurt another without hurting ourselves. If everyone knew this we would have a very different world. Therefore, I encourage you to integrate the knowledge in this article. Become an observer of yourself and other. Then play an active role in being the positive energetic change you wish to see through your own actions and behaviours.
That is how we generate small acts of resistance against negative energy. That is how we sustain a more positive direction towards loving self and other, which has the potential to affect all of humanity.
I’m Angela. As an educator, a therapist, and inner vibe guide I am here to help you reduce burnout and stress in your daily life so you have the time, energy and confidence to do what you love.
